Testimonio

Few days ago, we were tasked to held an activity about sharing our experiences as the years of our existence went by, experiences that made us weak and at the same time gave us strength. Every member shared their own stories, but only one stood out.

We listened carefully, taking in her heartbreaking but brave experience.

"My father suffered from a heart disease and high blood since birth, he was a seaman working as a 'chief cook' for years, before I was even born. Year 2014, my father was diagnosed with a kidney problem because the only edibles you can eat inside the ship are salty foods. Because of my father's kidney problem, we have to bring him in the Amante Hospital for dialysis every week.

One night my father had a seizure so we brought him in the Amante Hospital immediately after that he became unconscious but we brought him in the Philippine General Hospital. He stayed there for one month, but he just stayed in the emergency room because there are so many patients who also needed treatment. After he was confined in the Philippine General Hospital and after we went home my father continued doing his dialysis yet I also got confined in the Amante Hospital because of stress and my family cannot look after me since my father was sick. That's where we found out I have scoliosis, I stayed in the hospital for one week but it did not stop me from doing my school works.

After being confined for one week in the Amante Hospital, I was free to go. When I went home I found out my father got insane because of the side effects of his dialysis. After one week, my father had a seizure once again so we brought him in the Philippine General Hospital and he was in coma for two days. While my father was comatosed the doctor said his brain is being sucked out by his spinal cord so there was nothing we can do. My father's figure was not a pretty sight, his body was already bloated because there are so many needles stuck inside his body.

Second day of my father being comatosed, I went to the church with my grandmother to pray for my father's health. When I saw my mother entering the church and looking for us I was so surprised because she do not like going inside the church, my mother decided to pick me up and go to the Philippine General Hospital together. When we arrived my mother suggested to ask my father to give at least a sign if he still wanted to live because he was in his 50/50 state already but I did not agree and left the emergency room, I cannot see my father lying on that bed unconscious and look awful. I did not want people to see me break down inside the hospital.

Monday, I decided to go to school because I do not want to abandon my studies. My family said that my father was already stable after hearing my sister singing some Mama Mary songs and after hearing my voice. After doing my morning rituals I head downstairs just to see my family sitting in the living room with sad expressions and puffy red eyes due to crying. I got confused and nervous all of a sudden so I asked them.

"What are you guys doing here? Who's staying with Papa in the hospital?"

Mother who was standing in the living room stare at me with a painful expression, "Your father is dead."

October 6, 2014 and it was 12 in the morning, my father died. I felt like my system shut down and my mind went blank. I keep on saying to myself that 'No, this is not true ... that is not true!'

I felt devastated and hopeless because I never expected that one of my family members will die early. I managed to overcome my painful experience by claiming to myself that I will be okay soon and by distracting myself to do things that will calm me up.

I realized that life is really too short so while you still have time, tell your loved ones how much you love them. I think the first struggle I have experienced was dealing with the pain, second was the struggle with my studies because everytime I remember my father, I cannot help but to bawl and fail to concentrate. Because of these experiences, I felt lost and I tend to distance myself to others. I regret not being so polite to him while he was still alive, if I will have the chance to turn back time, I will tell my father that I am sorry for being such a stubborn child and I really love him so much. I am thankful my family gave me hope to carry on. Without them, I will be weaker and weaker. His last message or 'habilin' to me before he lost his breath was to become a beauty queen like Megan Young. He told me that even if he's not with me anymore, he will still see me up there and be proud of me."