To the men who broke my heart

The thing about love is that it sets you up to have your heart broken, until you find the one who can piece all those pieces back together and keep them there. 

I have only ever been in love twice, or so I thought, first with a boy who I grew up with. A boy who was always there for me through the bad times, the good times and well the 2am booty call times as well. I watched him grown up from a boy into a man and gave him my whole heart. Moved out with him, lied to my friends and family just to be with him. Long story short we were not good for eachother and had a very unhealthy relationship that I knew I had to get out of. After a few years it made me realise I wasn’t inlove with him, I just liked the idea of him - the mischievous things we got up to, the parties, the people, his family, but love? That wasn’t love the real kind anyway. 

Heart break number two - this one is the real killer, the soul crushing, sleep depriving kinda heart break. The one I wouldn’t wish against my worst enemy, but hey someone’s gotta take it right?

It’s the love where everyone can see it radiating between you, you laugh everyday, your happy, you don’t lie to your family or friends and you start planning the future ahead of you. But then, out of nowhere those pages, the pages in your book of love get ripped out & thrown in the fire. The pages you thought were being written together, gone, now just ashes floating away in the wind.

That kinda love, that kinda heart break? It teaches you what you really didn’t think was possible. It teaches you to appreciate what you have today, now right in this moment because you never know when someone is going to rip pages out of your book. 

It teaches you to be kind always, you don’t know what someone is going through. I went a week with crying at my desk at work, on the phone to customers, not eating, being forced out of bed - literally dragged by my feet. 

It teaches you to feel every feeling, but don’t dwell on the negative - feel it work through it and move on. Everything happens for a reason even if that reason is not clear. 

It teaches you to talk, talk to those you trust, those who want to support and help you, because without them - there is a huge chance of spiralling downwards and once you’re in the spiral it’s fucking hard to get out.