Leaving My Existence  

Moving away from home when you're on your last year of school is hard. Before moving in Decemeber last year I had lived it the same house the duration of my 17 years on this earth. Therefore my decision to move was difficult. 

Yes, I decided on my own that I was going to move, I didn't move with my family. I didn't have family issues, I wasn't bullied, I have an amazing best friend and I passed everything in school. So, why did I move? Honestly I still ask myself this and often regret my decision. It all comes down to myself and the way I was feeling and dealing with emotions. I was always feeling down and I started skipping school 3 days a week due to the fact it was just so easy and I didn't want to be there. I confessed all my depressing emotions to my sister and eventually to my Dad. My sister offered to move in with her and I declined at first, but after some thought I decided I couldn't sit around feeling horrible without trying to help myself. Moving could be the answer.

Once I moved away from my tiny town into the biggest city in New Zealand I started to realise all of the things I left behind. When school started it didn't get any better. I have been living here for 5 months now and I don't have friends to sit with at school. Don't get me wrong, I have a few people I talk to occasionally and sit with in my classes. Then it hits lunch break and I retreat to the art room so people don't stare at me sitting alone. I used to have people I hungout with but they were extremely dramatic and slightly rude so I decided I would rather be alone than with them. Problem with moving on your last year of school is that everyone already has their group of friends that they have been in for years. 

I have to bring up the stress of not having money, but not being able to get a part time job because of stress from school. I started searching for a job when I moved here, but as soon as school started getting intense I couldn't bare the idea of adding more to my plate. Not having money sucks!

Not all is bad. I have way more time to work on my classes and focus in class because I don't specifically have anybody to make plans with. The experience is good. I have been enjoying discovering a new way of living (I am flatting in a house with 5 people; one of them being my sister). I went from a school of 100 students (from year 7 to 13) to a school of 3000 students (from year 9 to 13). I admit I prefer the smaller school but it is sometimes nice to have the ability to be invisible. The school is generally better education wise than my old school because everyone is more focused so the teachers can be more strict on work being handed in. 

I am still unsure whether it was worth it some days. I miss my best friend. I visit my old town during the holidays and when I come back it always takes me back to being home sick. I used to think I wanted to get out of that town. Turns out my heart belongs there and home is where the heart is.