White Noise

...helps me ignore the voices.  schizoaffective living...  ...the t.v., music, rain, '___ hours of noise', construction outside, are my friends.. I always have to remind myself that reality is outside my head.. Write. Hesitate. Read. Stop. Listen. Space out. Laugh. Tremble. Repent. Doubt. Cry. Sleep. Hide.  As much as possible: stay inside. Stay alone.  ...I'm not Persephone... I'm not possessed(am I?) ..King keeps me sane.

Mental Health Struggles

Schizoaffective

Forgive me if I appear peculiar at times. I don’t always win the battle. When I talk, you might find my words unrelated or inconsistent. I make more sense when I write. I have a hundred different thoughts running fast ahead of me. I struggle to stay present. The voices I’ve learned to live with in my head as a child still keep me from my bed, they keep me in the house, they keep me in my room. My constant companions are music, white noise, and a mask that’s made for trips outside. One day-one I will not forget-the lifelong prisoner I hid ran free. A busy street devoured me. A new job scared me. My voice is an alarm. Eyes were judges. I was given a grave. I smiled. I sang. I played....

Dealing with anxiety on the daily 💫

I feel anxiety everyday sometimes in small amounts, others in huge amounts.  For me it all started when i think I was 15 years old, I felt anxious about everything. I was anxious about school, my friends, social interaction, my family, and everyday life. When I am feeling rather anxious I tend to get overwhelmed easily and feeling like I want to be isolated and separated from others completely. I think my feelings of self doubt and constant overthinking began when I used to have some unhealthy friendships which resulted in a bottling of emotions because I felt I could not escape or release the way I felt because of the risk of getting attacked verbally. But over time I’ve learnt...