A Kind Of Love

      I have embraced the stark beauty of loving you from a distance, from knowing that upon loving you means being alone on this journey; alone, I will tread the path of this unrequited love.

Though there are kinds of this love, kinds where there's no point of turning back even you knew that it's hopeless, even if you knew it's impossible, when you knew he's not meant to be yours. 

The struggles are what scare me but push me to endure because isn't the love that endure and persist are the purest of them all?

   A kind of love where you exists but a shadow, a love where he is unable to love you back not because you are not lovable but its just that you're not the one his heart longs and searches for. But will you blame him? Will you beg his love?

Absolutely not.

   I understand that his love is entirely free but not for me. I was not meant to afford his love when I am not the one he was meant to find. 

    But it can never compare to never having the chance of loving him freely, openly and with utmost passion. Loving him with no pretense, to love without being held back, to love without the distance, to love defying time, defying reason, against love itself.

I have wished upon my unlucky stars that I could rewrite them and love you in the open. 

Somehow, some day...

Maybe, maybe not...

Yes or no, a gamble towards fate.

To let you know that I exist, that this kind of love for you exists. 

Dear gods, the odds will never be in my favor. Fate will never show his face on me, I will always be the nobody beyond your world. The nobody you will never know exists.

This may be pathetic but isn't loving someone regardless how it is makes it worth living?

There is still a haunting beauty in loving someone that doesn't know you exist and only the ones who don't hope much but hope for the better can only brave the storm and sail through it.

But the pain will always be there. 

To have this love for you endure and goes on without having the chance itself to love.